I stand in the Backyard of Corona, a dark and miserable place, where only a few rays of sunlight penetrate, and where the dampness and a foul-smelling air permeate the place, making me feel nauseous and uncomfortable.
Corona has taken hold of me, filling me with fear and anxiety, and I find it hard to think clearly and be rational, even though I should be able to do so.
I have a hard time recognizing myself in all of this, and feel that I am being pulled along, influenced by the time in it, and my surroundings are closed off, with no presence or hugs and kisses – life is being shut out.
This image represents how the Corona Crisis, and the global pandemic, has affected me, my fellow humans, and the culture around us. We must be vigilant, for its darkness and anxiety and its fear of closeness and touch that it brings with it.
We risk being swept along in the culture and in the consensus that we must not come too close to each other, and that we must always be on guard against others, and those we do not know.
As a counterpoint to this, I have chosen to write this article, and later a book “To be Touched,” where I will delve into why it is SO critically important that we are vigilant, and that we are very aware NOT to let ourselves be carried away in this wave of touch anxiety and fear. That we remember to come close to each other again, and that it is so crucially important, both for the child and for all people in general, to be touched, and to receive touch and kisses and hugs and presence and love. We have a fundamental basic need for touch, and it is as important as food and drink and the need for safety and warmth and a roof over our heads.
Already in the mother’s womb during pregnancy, the child feels touch and pressure from the amniotic fluid and the uterus, and shortly after birth, when the baby lies on the mother’s stomach skin to skin, the baby's sensors in the skin are stimulated, releasing the important hormone Oxytocin – “the happiness hormone,” which bonds the child to the mother, and which provides the child with calm and stability inside and acts as an anti-stress hormone for the child. This hormone is significant for the attachment to the child's caregivers, and research has shown that children who are carried a lot in a wrap on the stomach, in a baby carrier, or who regularly receive Baby Massage – cry less, sleep better, have fewer gastrointestinal problems, have better concentration, learn better, and generally gain weight better and thrive more.
You and your partner have probably already stroked your belly during pregnancy, feeling your little baby inside, and will naturally, after birth, gently touch and caress your baby, both when you pick the baby up, when you change the baby, during breastfeeding, and when the baby cries or is restless. You will surely do this completely as a natural part of your gentle care and nurturing for your baby, and for your baby, this is an important and fundamental need that you thereby fulfill.
But why is touching infants so important?
Touching infants is important because your baby is stimulated and regulated in their emotional mood through the skin, and their perception of their caregivers. At the same time, as mentioned, Oxytocin is released, and this hormone – also called the happiness hormone – helps to give the baby calmness and relaxation, strengthens the interaction between the child and parents, opens new opportunities to understand your baby's nuanced body language; and thus makes it easier to understand your baby's needs in many other situations in daily life. Your baby becomes better at sensing themselves, gains greater self-confidence, and bonds with their parents with deep emotional ties.
Touch and Baby Massage can thus help give the child confidence that their body language and signals are being “read” by their parents, understood, and that their parents respond by answering the child's body language and signals – thus developing “Basic trust” in your baby, which makes it feel confident in other situations, perhaps as a larger child and adult, trusting that its needs will be met. Your baby needs “a secure base,” and they need to have an accessible adult whenever they need closeness or feel fear or anxiety.
The best way to create “a secure base” is simply to bring yourself to calmness and be available – this will, both in cuddling, playing, and breastfeeding situations, be a good opportunity, and especially also during daily Baby Massage – where you as a caregiver are fully present in the moment, using your loving touch to connect with your child, read your child's signals, and respond to them. Avoid rushing around, bring yourself to calmness, and turn off your mobile phone so you can be attentive and concentrate on the interaction with your child. Create a rhythm so the child learns when you are fully available and when you need to do something else.
How can you know that your child has become secure??
It is quite easy. If the child experiences enough security, it will begin to crawl away from you. Now it needs to explore. Children are curious, and they want to play, experiment, and connect with other children and learn something. The reason it is so important to create “a secure base” is that you “turn off” the attachment system with security. The child can now use all that energy for development, which it previously used for separation anxiety.
Secure children develop faster because the exploration system is only active when the child is aware that there is always security. Success in parenting is not about first setting tasks or initiating activities. It is about first creating security.
When you affectionately touch your child – for example, in play and breastfeeding situations – or by giving your child baby massage, perhaps several times a day; and have eye contact and play or do movement exercises – the feeling of meaningfulness arises in glimpses. Sufficiently many of those glimpses create children who have a positive view of others for the rest of their lives. It also creates children who have a fundamental trust and self-confidence, and who do well in school and in life in general. Even if they may have other challenges. The child simply learns from you to master and create positive social relationships.
Baby Massage.
IAIM – The International Association of Infant Massage – an international association for instructors in Baby Massage, practiced in over 70 countries – developed by Vimala McClure from the USA, who is the founder. There are instructors in Denmark who offer parents instruction in this technique and these strokes in Baby Massage. See Webpage dkfamilyhealth.com by Marianne Højer Andersen, which offers IAIM instruction in Baby Massage, both online, in mother groups, and during individual visits.
In short and all in all – Touch and presence and seeing your child's needs – create secure children, and the competent people of the future in our society.
