There are many women who choose to have a companion with them during childbirth, as it provides a certain comfort and allows for sharing a special experience with someone who cares. No two births are the same, and therefore it will always be a unique experience that can be nice to talk about afterwards.
Often, it will be the woman's partner who is present in the delivery room, as it is a very special moment for the two of them. It is an intense and incredibly strong experience to see your child come into the world, and in most cases, it will not only strengthen the bond between the child and its parents but also between the parents themselves, as a special connection arises between them.
However, it can also be incredibly challenging to be a companion during a birth, which is why not everyone feels that they can handle it.
Who should accompany if the woman's partner is uncomfortable with the situation?
Childbirth is a very intense experience, both for the woman giving birth and for the companion, as it can be incredibly challenging to see someone you care about in such great pain. It can give your partner a guilty conscience for having put their loved one in such a situation, and they may feel powerless due to their inability to do anything about it. Therefore, some choose to opt out of attending the birth because it can become overwhelming. If this is the case, it is best to communicate this from the start, as it makes it easier to handle the situation.
If this is the case, there are different options that you can consider. The first and most obvious is, of course, that the woman's partner is not present at the birth. However, this can also be a decision that is made and later regretted, as the child's other parent might have been able to handle the situation upon reflection.
Therefore, there is also the option of having a person outside the delivery room who can take the place of the woman's partner if it becomes too much. This way, you are not left with thoughts of 'what if...', but instead, you know that it could not be done.
It is important that this extra companion is also someone the woman feels comfortable with, such as her mother, sister, or friend.
What role does the companion have?
As mentioned, the role of the companion is primarily to be supportive and loving, but also to provide the woman with security, calm, and encouragement, so she does not feel that she is going through childbirth alone and without help.
It is also important that you, as a companion, remain calm and relaxed regardless of the situation. Even if things become intense, it is your role to reassure the woman and show that you are comfortable with the situation, as this signals to her that she can be too.
The midwife is in control, and there is no reason to believe otherwise than that everything is going as it should.
In order to fulfill your role as the calm and loving companion who should make the situation easier, you should talk to the woman about her expectations for your actions, so you enter the delivery room as a companion on her terms and ensure that the birth proceeds on her terms.
The companion is also a practicality
Not only do you have to be your partner's support, but you also need to be useful by performing practical tasks. You will most likely be responsible for drinks, for massaging her, for helping her with breathing techniques, you should be a support if she needs to walk while she is having contractions, you might need to hold the basin if she vomits or perhaps you should help cool her down if she gets too hot.
At the same time, however, you should also be aware that the midwife is in charge, and you should not try to take control, as she knows more about how things should go than you do.
Additionally, you can also ask the midwife if you can be present to receive the baby or cut the umbilical cord. This can be an experience that you will never forget, as it is very unique, but it can also be too much for you, and in that case, you should of course leave it to someone who can do it calmly and correctly.
Be prepared for all reactions
A birth cannot be compared to any other experience, which is why the woman may exhibit sides of herself that you have never encountered and that you will never experience again. Therefore, do not be surprised if you suddenly do not recognize your partner as you thought you did.
Furthermore, you should also be prepared for the physical aspects. Blood, vomit, and excretion are not unusual, and it should not be commented on, as it does not do any good.
Forget everything about Hollywood movies
Lastly, you can forget everything you have seen in movies. The baby does not necessarily come out shortly after the water breaks - in fact, it rarely happens that way. And it can actually take many hours before the baby comes into the world, which is why it is advisable to bring reading material.
